I wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, and for a moment, I allow myself to believe that everything might be okay. The warmth of the sun on my face feels like a promise of better times ahead. But then, as it often does in life, it starts to rain. The metaphorical clouds roll in, bringing with them the weight of our daily struggles with PNES, the echoes of workplace trauma, and the constant battle for understanding and justice.
In these moments, I feel my defenses crumble. The walls I've built to protect myself, to stay strong for Tim, to face the world that often seems indifferent to our pain - they shatter all around me. I'm left open, exposed, vulnerable in a way that terrifies me. It's in this raw state that I truly confront the magnitude of our challenges.
But it's here, in this broken-open place, that I've found an unexpected strength. Face to face with my troubles, I've discovered a resilience I never knew I possessed. It's not a strength born of invincibility, but one forged in the crucible of our struggles. It's a strength that comes from falling apart and putting myself back together, piece by piece, day after day.
I often feel broken, shattered into a million little pieces. There are days when I'm trying with everything I have, but I can't seem to hold on anymore. The weight of Tim's condition, the constant fight against workplace bullying, the uphill battle for awareness - it all becomes overwhelming. In these moments, I remind myself that every tear falls for a reason. Each drop is a testament to our love, our commitment, our refusal to give up.
To the little girl inside me who feels so blue, who's struggling to make sense of this journey we're on, I want to say: I know what you're going through. I feel your pain, your frustration, your moments of despair. But don't let it beat you up. This struggle, as difficult as it is, is shaping us into something stronger, more compassionate, more resilient.
We're hitting walls and getting scars, but these very experiences are making us who we are. Each setback, each moment of pain, each small victory - they're all part of our story. They're etching themselves into our hearts, creating a tapestry of experience that is uniquely ours.
No matter how much our hearts ache - and oh, how they ache sometimes - there is beauty in this breaking. It's a beauty born of authenticity, of raw emotion, of love that refuses to be diminished by circumstance. In our broken moments, we're most real, most human, most connected to the essence of who we are and what truly matters.
I've learned that being broken doesn't mean being defeated. It means being open to transformation. Like a bone that breaks and heals stronger at the point of fracture, we too are becoming stronger in our broken places. Our capacity for empathy, our determination to fight for justice, our ability to find joy in small moments - these are the gifts born from our struggles.
In our gaming sessions with Tim, I see this beauty in breaking played out in pixelated form. Each time we fail, each time we have to start over, we're embracing the process of breaking and rebuilding. It's teaching us patience, perseverance, and the joy of simply being present with each other.
When I hear Tim laugh - that precious sound that was absent for so long - I'm reminded that even in our brokenness, there is light. That laugh is like a flower pushing through concrete, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love to heal.
Our advocacy work, our fight against workplace bullying, our efforts to raise awareness about PNES - these are all ways we're turning our brokenness into purpose. We're taking the pieces of our shattered expectations and using them to build a path for others who might follow in our footsteps.
So, to myself, to Tim, to anyone who's feeling broken: don't stop believing in yourself. Our brokenness is not the end of our story; it's the beginning of a more authentic, more compassionate chapter. Every piece of us that feels shattered is an opportunity for light to enter, for growth to occur, for love to deepen.
We are broken, yes. But we are also beautiful. We are resilient. We are fighters. And in our breaking and our healing, we are creating something extraordinary - a love that endures, a purpose that inspires, and a strength that comes from facing our struggles head-on.
This journey isn't easy. There are days when the rain seems relentless, when the pieces seem too scattered to ever come back together. But in those moments, I choose to believe in the beauty of our breaking, in the strength we're finding in the struggle, and in the unbreakable bond that holds us together, even in our most fragmented moments.
We are broken, but we are not defeated. We are broken, but we are still whole in the ways that truly matter. We are broken, and in that breaking, we are becoming something more beautiful than we ever imagined possible.
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