As I reflect on my 63rd birthday today, I find myself at a crossroads of emotions and experiences. The anticipation of retirement looms on the horizon, a milestone I've long looked forward to. Yet, the landscape of my life has shifted dramatically in the past year, reshaped by the challenges Tim faces with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES).
Our daily existence now revolves around Tim's condition, creating a sense of living in a bubble where the edges of reality seem blurred and distorted. PNES has become the unwelcome centerpiece of our lives, a constant reminder of the trauma Tim endured at the hands of his former colleagues, the weight of this injustice hangs heavy on both of us, coloring every aspect of our days.
As I contemplate my birthday wish this year, I find myself yearning for Tim's peace and healing. My deepest hope is for a reduction in the frequency and intensity of his seizures, along with all the associated struggles they bring.
The impact of PNES extends far beyond the physical manifestations, affecting Tim's quality of life and our shared experiences in profound ways.
There's a part of me that longs for accountability from those responsible for Tim's suffering. I hope they will come to terms with their actions and the far-reaching consequences of their behavior. While this acknowledgment may not undo the damage, it could provide a sense of closure and validation for Tim's experiences.
As we navigate this challenging period, I'm striving to envision our "new normal." It's a concept that feels both elusive and necessary as we adapt to the realities of living with PNES. I'm hopeful that with time, support, and appropriate treatment, we can find a way to manage Tim's condition more effectively, allowing us to reclaim some semblance of the life we once knew.
Looking ahead to the years of retirement that await me, I'm trying to balance the excitement of this new chapter with the ongoing concerns for Tim's well-being. I dream of a time when my days won't be consumed by work, allowing me to dedicate more energy and attention to supporting Tim and nurturing our relationship through these challenges.
This birthday marks not just another year passed, but a pivotal moment in our journey together. While the path ahead may be uncertain and at times daunting, I hold onto the hope that we will find our way through this. My wish is for healing, understanding, and the strength to embrace whatever form our future takes, with Tim by my side, as we work towards a life where PNES no longer dictates the terms of our existence.
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