As I sit here, watching Tim struggle with his PNES, I feel an overwhelming sense of despair and exhaustion. It seems like no matter what we try, his condition doesn't improve. The weight of caring for him, managing our lives, and trying to keep hope alive is crushing me.
Every day is a battle, and I'm fighting it alone. Our family, who I thought would be there for us in our darkest hours, are nowhere to be found. The isolation is suffocating. I'm Tim's sole support, his caregiver, his advocate, and sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to continue.
I've researched treatments, hoping for a breakthrough. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) seems promising, with studies showing it can reduce PNES episodes in over half of cases. But finding a therapist experienced in PNES, arranging appointments, and covering the costs feels like climbing a mountain when I'm already drained.
The constant stress is taking its toll on my own mental health. I know I should be taking care of myself too - eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep. But how can I focus on self-care when Tim needs me so much?
Sometimes, I catch myself wondering what life would be like if we could just have a normal day, free from the fear of the next episode. The dreams we once had seem so far out of reach now.
Holding onto hope feels almost impossible. Yet, I know giving up isn't an option. Tim needs me, and deep down, I know I need to keep going for both of us. But the question that haunts me is: how? How do I find the strength to face another day when it feels like we're fighting a losing battle?
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