The Mountain Before Me

I stand at the foot of a mountain I never knew existed, its peak shrouded in mist and uncertainty. This mountain, my husband's struggle with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES), looms before us, reshaping the landscape of our lives. It's a challenge we never anticipated, a journey we never planned to take.

The diagnosis of PNES has altered our world irrevocably. Our once-familiar path has become steep and rocky, filled with obstacles we never imagined. Each day brings new challenges, new fears, and new moments of vulnerability. We've had to relearn how to navigate our daily lives, always aware of the unpredictable nature of this condition.

Sometimes it takes a mountain, like this one before us, to truly test the strength of our faith. Other times, it's the troubled sea of emotions—fear, frustration, and helplessness—that threatens to overwhelm us. And there are moments when we find ourselves in a spiritual desert, parched and yearning for hope.

Yet, in each of these landscapes—the mountain, the sea, the desert—I've come to recognize God's presence. It's as if these challenges are His way of getting my attention, of drawing me closer to Him. In the struggle, I find myself reaching out, grasping for His hand with a desperation I've never known before.

Through it all, I've discovered a profound truth: God's love is so much stronger than whatever troubles me. This love doesn't remove the mountain or calm every storm, but it provides the strength to climb, the courage to sail, and the perseverance to cross the desert. It's a love that sustains when all else fails.

This mountain of PNES, as daunting as it is, has become a teacher. It's teaching me patience, resilience, and a depth of love I didn't know I possessed. More importantly, it's teaching me to trust in a power greater than myself. Sometimes, it takes facing an insurmountable obstacle to realize that we were never meant to climb alone.

In the shadow of this mountain, my belief has been tested and, surprisingly, strengthened. I've learned that faith isn't about having all the answers or never doubting. It's about taking one step at a time, even when the path is unclear. It's about believing that there's purpose in the struggle and growth in the challenge.

As I look up at the mountain before us, I no longer see just an obstacle. I see an opportunity—to grow, to love more deeply, and to trust more fully. Our journey with PNES is far from over, and the path ahead is still uncertain. But I've come to understand that sometimes it takes a mountain to truly appreciate the view from the top.

In this journey, hand in hand with my husband and guided by an unwavering divine love, I'm learning to embrace the mountain. For it's in facing these challenges that we discover our true strength, deepen our connections, and find a faith that can move mountains—even if it can't always remove them.