Always Remember

 This Memorial Day, as people are celebrating family gatherings, or the beginning of summer and vacations, let's all take a moment and remember the real reason this day was set aside. It's to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for this wonderful country of ours. 

While my loved ones who served all made it home safely, there are many who didn't. Today and every day, I honor you, for allowing me to have all the freedoms I do, for defending this country and for laying down your life for your beliefs. 

I remember as a child helping my dad place all the flags on the graves in the cemetery, in preparation for the Memorial Day Ceremony. I’d watched in awe as he presented the folded flag at funerals and spoke words to loved ones as he placed it lovingly in their hands. I listened as he explained the following to me.

 

The flag-folding ceremony represents the same religious principles on which our great country was originally founded.

1.     The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

2.     The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

3.     The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks, and who gave a portion of his or her life for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

4.     The fourth fold represents our weaker nature; as American citizens trusting in God, it is Him we turn to in times of peace, as well as in times of war, for His divine guidance.

5.     The fifth fold is a tribute to our country. In the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right, but it is still our country, right or wrong."

6.     The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

7.     The seventh fold is a tribute to our armed forces for it is through the armed forces that we protect our country and our flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

8.     The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor our mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day.

9.     The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood. It has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that has molded the character of the men and women who have made this country great.

10.  The 10th fold is a tribute to father, who has also given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since he or she was first born.

11.  The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

12.  The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies God the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost.

13.  The 13th and last fold, when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost, reminding us of our national motto, "In God We Trust.

I spent many hours in my growing up years, with my dad. Not only was he the local undertaker, but he was also a veteran. He spoke of faith in our country and the honor it was to represent this great land of ours. In the end, he was always teaching.

Before he passed, I got to have an entire evening with him, just me and my dad. We talked of those childhood years and all the life lessons he tried to teach me. We talked about faith, and family and living life with a servant heart and then… we listened to one of his favorite songs…The Ragged Old Flag by Johnny Cash. When it was through, he hugged me close, whispered in my ear that he loved me and from this point forward he was passing the torch to me so people will never forget that we have to work at keeping this country great, each and every day. My dad passed just before Memorial Day and I will never forget the legacy of his life or how proud I am I got to be his daughter.

 

Ragged Old Flag By Johnny Cash

I walked through a county courthouse square,
On a park bench an old man was sitting there.
I said, “Your old courthouse is kinda run down.”
He said, “Naw, it’ll do for our little town.”
I said, “Your flagpole has leaned a little bit,
And that’s a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it.” 

He said, “Have a seat,” and I sat down.
“Is this the first time you’ve been to our little town?” I said, “I think it is.” He said, “I don’t like to brag, But we’re kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag. 

“You see, we got a little hole in that flag there
When Washington took it across the Delaware.
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key Sat watching it writing Oh, Say Can You See.
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin’ at its seams. 

“And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on through.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag. 

“On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun.
She turned blood red in World War II.
She hung limp and low by the time it was through. She was in Korea and Vietnam.
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam. 

“She waved from our ships upon the briny foam,
And now they’ve about quit waving her back here at home. In her own good land she’s been abused --
She’s been burned, dishonored, denied and refused. 

“And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land.
And she’s getting threadbare and wearing thin, But she’s in good shape for the shape she’s in. ‘Cause she’s been through the fire before 

And I believe she can take a whole lot more. 

“So we raise her up every morning, Take her down every night.
We don’t let her touch the ground And we fold her up right. 

On second thought, I DO like to brag,
‘Cause I’m mighty proud of that Ragged Old Flag.” 

Dare to be

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

 

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

 

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

 

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

 

Dare to be the best you can –

At all times, Dare to be!”

 

— Steve Maraboli (poem: Dare To Be)

 

My day has ended, and I do feel that I’ve done my best today, and when I felt tired today I definitely dared to keep going…although I kept going for a little too long given its midnight and I’m just now heading to bed……(sigh). Tomorrow I’ll dare to do better at getting to bed at a reasonable hour!

 

As your new day begins dare to ALWAYS smile gratefully and, DARE TO BE!

What Father Means To Me

As a little girl one of my earliest memories of my dad was how he’d tuck me in bed at night and I’d make him check inside my closet to ensure there weren’t any monsters there. Once Dad had performed his safety check I would know it was safe to go to sleep.  My Dad was my protector.

As a teenager I remember how hard my dad worked and how trustworthy he was. I can’t recall ever seeing him take a sick day – he always seemed to just power through without complaint. And when my dad gave his word that he would do something everyone knew he could be trusted to follow through. His word was his bond.

As an adult my dad became my most treasured advisor. He is a fantastic listener, and he can see things from a level-headed perspective that allows him to impart incredible wisdom.  He always stands up for what’s right even if it comes at professional or personal cost and he has encouraged me to always do the same. He treats everyone with respect and his example has taught me more than even the advice he shares.  I admire him more than can be put into words.

What “MY” Father means to me is – everything. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without having had my father to guide me by way of his example, his unconditional love and support, and his expressions of endless belief in me!

What “A” Father means to me can best be described through the example of my husband Tim, the extra Father of my children. Tim came into their lives when they were adults and he instantly loved them as their dad. Tim has unconditionally loved them, set an example for them, and expressed his endless belief in them from the moment he and I were married. Having a loving Father in my children’s lives has meant everything to me. 

I am so grateful for Fathers – for my own Father, for my Father-in-law, for the Father to my children, and for my Heavenly Father.  Fathers mean everything to me.

Happy Father’s Day early to all the amazing men in the world honoring their sacred role as someone’s “Father.”

Every Person Has A Story

It’s amazing how differently we see people when we know more about their story and what they’ve been through. Note the following example:

A young man in his twenties was looking out the train’s window shouted…

“Father, look at the trees! They are going behind!”

The young man’s father smiled at the man and a young couple sitting nearby, looked at the young man’s childish comment with pity.

Suddenly, the young man exclaimed again.

 

“Father, look at the clouds! They are all running with us!”

The couple couldn’t resist and said to the old man.

 

“Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?”

The old man smiled and said.

“We did and we are just coming from the hospital. My son has been blind since birth, and he just got his vision today.”

Every person in the world has a story. Don’t judge people before you truly know them. The truth might surprise you. 

I love that little story. I love how it rem

inds us to hold off judgment until we take the time to know someone’s story. We all have one!

 

Make Peace With Your Past To Grow

“You must make peace with your past at some point in your life to truly grow.”  

Sometimes we go through things in life that are so traumatic emotionally that we bury them or file things away, we tell ourselves to forget about them, and we put all our focus on the future.  In our minds we believe that if we don’t think about them or acknowledge them, they will somehow just go away.  For a time, it works…life moves forward…the trauma is further behind us…and we think we’ve put it behind us and let it go…

Then something inadvertently triggers us…a voice gets raised…a door is slammed…a small criticism gets expressed…a particular word gets used…and we find ourselves flooded with emotions from sadness to rage and everything in between.  We jump to fight or flight mode because we won’t allow ourselves to become a victim ever again…

It took going to a professional counselor for me to understand that burying my past trauma hadn’t made it go away…in fact it was the very thing keeping it alive, because even if the memories could be buried the feelings of inadequacy and shame of “I should have” this and “if only I’d” that and the anger of “how could they” this and “why would they” that, couldn’t be.  The counselor helped me see that it takes revisiting memories, not to wallow in their pain but to look at them from an empathetic perspective, to truly make peace with them. Because seeing ourselves and others through that empathetic perspective allows us to be honest with ourselves about the emotions we felt, it allows us to grieve, it allows us to let go of the need for justice, it helps us forgive those who wronged us, and most important, it helps us forgive ourselves for the “should have’s” and “if only’s” and recognize that we can’t go back and change what has passed so those thoughts will never be able to bring us peace. 

Making peace with the past comes when we forgive ourselves and others, when we see the positive that came from having gone through what we did, and when we take all, we’ve learned from it and use it to then help others. 

If You Had Today To Live Over Again

“If you had today to live over again, what would you do differently?”

That’s a profound question to ask yourself at the end of your day, not so you can be regretful, but so you can figure out what things you ought to change about yourself in order to make your tomorrow better.

While we can’t always change our circumstances in life, we can always change ourselves, our attitude, our behavior, our perspective, and our thoughts. We have the ability to control those things 100% in any circumstance. 

As you climb into bed tonight try asking yourself, “If I had today to live over again what would I do differently?” And as you lay there contemplating the answer to that question do so committing that tomorrow you’ll be exactly as you wish you’d been today.

A New Day Coming

When the sun announces the dawning day
Just flex your muscles and start on your way.
Go over, or under, around, or through
Any obstacles or hurdles that challenge you.
There’s a new day coming.

Cast aside the failures of yesterday.
Forget the peaks and valleys that have paved your way.
Wipe the sweat from your brow and the dust from your shoe.
Take a breath and relax so that you may begin anew.
There’s a new day coming.

Forget the burdens and obstacles that have held you back.
Focus on your dreams and prepare a plan of attack.
There are battles awaiting to challenge your success.
Daring you to stand tall and to give it your best.
There’s a new day coming.

No matter how great the journey, or how heavy the load
How steep the mountain, or how rough the road.
When your arms grow weary and legs give way
Stop and rest for a moment, it will be okay.
There’s a new day coming.

As shadows spring forth from the setting sun.
Take a moment and savor the battles you’ve won.
Sleep peacefully tonight and enjoy your rest.
Awaken tomorrow and continue your quest.
There’s always, a new day coming.

The Pain and Joy of Mother's Day

 Today, May 14th, is Mother’s Day and for some, this will feel like a wonderful day, perhaps filled with brunch, flowers, and time and energy spent with the people you love. 

Or maybe you’ll revel in having little ones bring you their homemade crayon cards and attempts at pancakes and breakfast in bed. 

If this day brings you joy and gratitude, that’s lovely and I’m so glad that’s the experience for you!

But for many of us, Mother’s Day will not feel this way.

Mother’s Day, instead, may feel really quite hard and complex. 

Perhaps you dearly long to be a mother and you’re currently struggling with infertility.

Perhaps you wanted to be a mother to physical children in this lifetime and it couldn’t or didn’t happen.

Perhaps you recently or long ago lost your physical child and are grieving your loss deeply. 

Perhaps the child you loved has now turned their back on you wishing you were dead. 

Perhaps you never wanted to be a mother and/or are now struggling with being one.

Perhaps your own mother has passed or very ill.

Perhaps you never knew your mother and wish you had.

Or, and this is very common, perhaps you are estranged from your mother or have a toxic and painful relationship with her that makes celebrating this day complex in a way that no Hallmark card could ever capture. 

Whatever the reason, if you’re one of the many of us who doesn’t enjoy this day, who almost dread its cyclical return in the arc of the calendar each year, if you’re someone who actually feels sadness, challenge, and pain around this day, I want you to know that you’re not alone. 

Not at all.

Being triggered by Mother’s Day is an incredibly common experience. 

To be a mother oneself and to be born of one (as we all are) is deeply, unbelievably complex and I don’t think we do a good enough job in this culture acknowledging the multidimensional and often painful aspects of this.

So let’s face it: holidays centered around families can be triggering and challenging for many of us. 

That’s why on this Mother’s Day, I want to speak to you if you’re one of the many, like me, who are triggered by this day. 

I want to reach across the internet and give you a virtual permission slip of sorts to not feel pressured to enjoy or celebrate this day despite what the echoing message all around you may say, and instead wish you find ways to alternatively “celebrate” Mother’s Day and to take care of yourself. 

Don’t Focus On The Insignificant At The Expense Of The Profound

I was reading a book on profound moments in history and how we can learn and grow from them.

Years ago, a Lockheed 1011 jumbo jet crashed into the Florida Everglades, killing over 100 people… After the accident, investigators tried to determine the cause. The landing gear had indeed lowered properly.

The plane was in perfect mechanical condition. Everything was working properly—all except one thing: a single burned-out lightbulb. That tiny bulb— worth about 20 cents—started the chain of events that ultimately led to the tragic death of over 100 people.

Of course, the malfunctioning lightbulb didn’t cause the accident; it happened because the crew placed its focus on something that seemed to matter at the moment while losing sight of what mattered most.

The tendency to focus on the insignificant at the expense of the profound happens not only to pilots but to everyone. We are all at risk. . . . Are your thoughts and heart focused on those short-lived fleeting things that matter only in the moment or on things that matter most?

 

You Are The Decisive Element

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.  It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture, or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or dehumanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.  If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”     –  Goethe

 

Rather than me writing something to go along with that quote today I thought I’d suggest everyone take the time to re-read that quote and really think through its message. 

 

How we choose to treat others, how we communicate, how we react and respond – it all makes a huge difference. 

 

Each of us are the decisive element.