Walking Slow But Pressing On

I don’t know about you, but walking slowly kills me. Whether it be the zoo, the mall or the museum, there is lots of walking slowly while looking at things. I can walk quickly or run, but the slow walking makes me hurt in ways I never expect. Sometimes I feel like that’s how so much of life is—slow-walking through another problem, another dilemma, another decision. We can’t run through whatever it is, but have to maintain a slow, even pace.

I want the big moves! The big changes! The times when everything flips and you are dealing with a brand new thing. But often, we are called to the slow, steady pursuit of what God has put in front of us. 

The beautiful news about this is that God has not abandoned us to do it alone. He never said we were supposed to be able to fulfill all the promises of God by ourselves, or that we should do all the good because we’ve generated enough willpower to make it through. Instead, He promises to be the power within us to walk the slow walk when it’s called for, to keep holding on when everything in us wants to quit or run.

Some people speak affirmations over themselves in the morning, hoping to bring out the best in themselves for the day. My mornings look a little different. “Jesus, thank you that you are my strength, my hope, my wisdom and my power to do today. I am really discouraged when I look at my own resources, and want to quit. But when I look at You--welcoming You to be Christ in me, the hope of glory—I can take another step and then another. Your supernatural power means that I can tackle even the most mundane, the most fear-inducing, and the most uncertain with a little slice of heaven.”

I think in a lot of ways, this year seems like a slow walk. We just keep moseying along through changes around us, continuing to press on. Sometimes the pressing on is the hardest part, as we want to quit or run away. A kind woman at church asked me how she could pray for me, and I responded that I wanted to be faithful. It came out of my mouth without much thought, but now I realize why that was God’s thought for me for this year. 

I want to be found faithful, even as He is faithful in and through me. That doesn’t mean that I’ve got lots of faith, but simply that I hang on to Jesus with a desperation that acknowledges He is all I need. We press on towards the purpose that Jesus has for us, acknowledging our place sitting with God in the heavens. None of this is because of our strength or morality—it is simply because God’s power makes it possible, both the saving and the continued living. 

Press on, my friends. Even when the walk is slow and seems excruciating. Take only today and this moment, acknowledging the abundance of Jesus in it, and putting one foot in front of the other. 

We Are All Priceless Treausure

One of the most often repeated lies we tell ourselves is that we are worthless. This has been communicated to us by various people in our lives, or by our own definition time and time again. Sometimes we feel we should be at a different place in our life and that would give worth. Sometimes we believe if we had worked hard enough to make people like them that this would give us worth. Sometimes we have been told that our only worth lies in our being used for whatever purpose the user desires, and that we will lose worth if they stop allowing someone to use us. 

Worth is not transactional. It is not given when we earn it. We don’t gain worth the more we achieve, relate to others, or give. We try to convince ourselves we have worth, but it is usually based in something we have to believe about themselves. When we communicates we are not worth someone’s time, the façade is gone and we struggle to believe we have worth apart from what others communicate.

When we experience rejection while trying to find someone to communicate worth, any sense of having worth is obliterated as we have placed the definition on a person or place in this world. It is gut-wrenching, and feels like death.

1 Peter 2:7 tells us that as believers we are now standing in the preciousness and worth of Jesus. We did not earn it, deserve it or prove that we should have it. Instead, Jesus’ worth is transferred or imparted to us. Isn’t that crazy? You are precious to God. He doesn’t see you as lacking, sinful or unvalued. Instead, He places incredibly worth on you, and sees you with value.

This preciousness that God has imparted means we will not be put to shame, not disappointed. I was reading recently something Katherine Wolf in her new book “Treasures in the Darkness” wrote about how sometimes our definition of goodness needed to change. She said:

“God was not merely withholding a good life from me, it seemed; He was taking my good life away from me. I would wrestle with this tension for years, both for myself and for everyone else living lives the world would call anything but “good.” Then my definition of good was turned upside down when I read the words of sixteenth-century theologian Sir Richard Baker. ‘The good things of God,’ he wrote, ‘are chiefly Peace of conscience, and joy in the Holy Ghost, in this life; Fruition of God’s Presence, and Vision of his blessed Face, in the next.’ Because I can’t resist alliteration, I’ve come up with a snappy way to remember Baker’s meaning: ‘The truly good things in life are God’s peace, presence, and provision in the process.’ 

I think sometimes our expectations need to change as well, as we will never be disappointed when we expect that God will continue to love us, be faithful to us and do it His way in His time. When we have expectations that He will do things in the way we plan for Him, or in the time we dictate, we will often be in a place of needing to change our minds and our expectations.

You have worth and value—it has been given by Jesus Himself in His impartation of His preciousness to you. You can’t do anything to lose it, and you can’t earn it to maintain it. This worth is based on Jesus, so there’s no change or devaluation possible. You are precious—a priceless treasure.

Worry and Imagination

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m amazingly good at imagining worst-case scenarios. I can stay up all night, daydream (can they be called day-nightmares instead?) and obsess on all the brutal possibilities. My focus can be completely consumed with what I think will help prepare me emotionally if those things were to happen. 

But the reality is that none of this imagining actually prepares me for a bad situation. Instead, it steals any joy I could have in the moment today, and it puts my physical body in a place where it responds as if the problem is really happening. That steals more energy from my current place, as well as putting me in a stressful, reactive state physically. 

I recently read a quote by Dan Zadra: “Worry is the misuse of imagination.” I think we forget that imagination has been redeemed as well as the rest of us by Jesus. Instead of using imagination to worry, fret or stew about the worst-case scenarios, what if we allowed it to be used by the Spirit in the way He created it to be?

I think we often condemn worry by saying we just aren’t supposed to do it, but we don’t provide an alternative. As with anything else, if our brains are not supposed to think about something, it becomes the only thing we can think about. What if the alternative was a redemptive use of the imagination?

If we are to fix our thoughts on good, we must be able to see it in our mind’s eye, our imagination. So, I must be able to think of something authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. We can use the incredible imagination God has given us to fix our minds on these wonderful things, even if they are very small and might be ignored as insignificant.

Research has shown that anxiety and gratitude cannot coexist in the brain. We feed one or the other. So, when you worry, you can fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising Him always and this gratitude in looking for the good gifts He has brought today makes anxiety go away. It’s sort of like how darkness cannot stay with light—it has to flee the moment the light is turned on. This isn’t positive thinking—this is real, true and sometimes difficult to do. 

When you are struggling with worry, God has provided some incredible paths out of it. First, ask Him to use your redeemed imagination to imagine the beautiful things happening in the world around you, even if it’s hard to see them right now. Second, thank Him in gratitude for that beauty, allowing the light to turn on and the anxiety to run away. 

I know that you want this to be a constant state of being, but the worry actually becomes a good warning light that you are fixated on unhealthy and unproductive things. Instead, there is an option for something else! We can ask God to show us the way.  He has provided a great awareness of the worry because of how terrible it makes us feel. Instead of choosing worry or anxiety, we get to live in the reality of His goodness that surrounds us even in the valley of the shadow of death. Nothing is too much as His love always follows us. 

Weakness Is A Gift

I think about weakness quite a lot, probably because I’m a fairly independent woman who doesn’t like to admit any lack. God is faithful to teach me a lot about it because I don’t want to learn! Generally, when I feel weak, I either try to cover it up and make it look fine, or I run away from whatever it is and decide I can’t do it. Interestingly enough, that is not what God asks us to do with weakness. 

I am beginning to see that places of weakness or inability are actually gifts. I know, it sounds strange, right? But these places are where we most find and see the power of Jesus within. It’s sort of like a very thin spot in a piece of fabric—it has been worn to more fully show what is beneath it. I generally throw away clothes that get that level of holes in them, but what God says is to invite Him to show through all the cracks and holes of our lives. 

When I see the spots where my patience is wearing thin, or I have no compassion left for someone, or I am just too weary to handle one more burden, this is where I can most experience God’s power because I’m not trying to do something for Him. I have begun to anticipate these times with joy, because after I get done with pondering my self-help plan for making myself stronger, I can then instead turn to God spiritually and ask Him for help. He never turns me down! He’s been waiting this whole time for my request.

What’s the weak spot (or spots) in your life? Is it a difficult marriage? Is it the absence of relationships and the constant presence of loneliness? Is it addiction? Is it a child that tests every last bit of your patience? Is it a health issue that leaves you unable to do what you want to do? Is it a lack of purpose in your life? Is it seeing the dreams you had for your life lying around you in broken shards? Is it an image that you feel you must maintain as a protection from other people’s opinions of what’s really going on in your heart?

Whatever the place of weakness, it can be revealed to be instead a thin spot that becomes a portal for Christ’s power. We need only ask. Your life doesn’t need to look perfect for God to give you strength for weakness. In fact, it won’t look perfect. We are not intended to receive Jesus through salvation by accepting and nothing else, and then to turn around a try to get it all right in order to live the Christian life. The life we have in Christ is the source of everything, and we don’t have to do a dance or speak a certain word to have it! He is always ready, always available, always hoping that we will turn and ask Him to do it. 

I wonder what would happen in your life if every time you caught yourself saying something like, “I just can’t do it anymore” or “I can’t let anybody know about this scary part of me or my family” that you would instead redirect the thought to Jesus’ feet, leaving it there? I think you’d find that God never wanted you to be particularly strong, but rather dependent. He loves the relationship He has with you, and wants to be involved in every detail of your life. He waits to be invited, though. 

Whenever you see a place of weakness in your life, will you turn away from self-criticism and self-righteousness to look to Jesus for the strength you need? If you do, the weakness becomes a gift, a portal to the power of God in your life. Weakness is the qualification, not the exception to qualifying. 

Joy, Prayer, and Thanksgiving

I was being a whiny baby yesterday. Do you ever have those days where you feel like you just complain and moan about everything, and you don’t even want to be around yourself? That was my attitude. It was unpleasant to say the least. 

In the middle of my funk, I remembered something I’ve heard many times—there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. That thought did not help my mood, as I wanted to throw a complete tantrum stating there wasn’t anything to be thankful for in this day.

But God.

In His quiet, shepherding way, Jesus reminded me of a verse in 1 Thessalonians, one which I’ve used to beat myself up in the past in an attempt to bust out of the whining and complaining. But this time I heard it differently.

Let joy be your continual feast. Make your life a prayer. And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God’s perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I had always imagined this to be passage about feelings we were supposed to be drumming up, and it just frustrated me. I didn’t want to feel joyous, or feel like praying all the time, or feel thankful in the middle of any circumstance. That just felt impossible. And really, it is.

But here’s what God was teaching me through my adult tantrum. When joy, prayer and thanksgiving become my focus, rather than all the things I’m upset about or afraid of, my whole perspective shifts. It’s not that my circumstances change, but when my focus does, I can find Christ’s life within me expressing in ways that I couldn’t muster up in my own strength.

So, in my own strength and power, I can’t find joy. I can’t pray all the time. I can’t give thanks. But Jesus can! And He will through me. This is where the impossible is made tangible. 

When I ask Him, I will feast on joy. I will seek it out like a snack when I’m hungry. I will have access to joy because He brings it. Joy is deeper than happiness. It wells up in my spirit as I focus on Jesus in the middle of my problems, and I can start to see joy springing up all around in small ways. I witness the birds singing after the storm, the shoots of green plant showing through the snow, the bits of light cutting through dark clouds on a gloomy day. My grandkids laughing (probably at a silly fart joke, but it’s still hilarious), my daisy seeds FINALLY popping through the black dirt after weeks of waiting. All of this brings contagious joy to me. But I miss it when I’m focused on the wrong thing. When I ask, Jesus reminds me over and over again of all the joy around me.

When I ask Him, my life becomes a prayer. I focus on Him and instead of taking on all the burdens or worries of the day myself, I am funneling them to Him to take on as only He can. I entrust every piece of my life and that of those I love to the One who knows them so much better than I do, and loves even more than I could. When I see how much He loves me talking with Him, and how I’m never a bother, I want to go even more to the place within where I have a running dialogue with my Father, my Dad who cares about all of it. Why go to worry when I can go to Him? 

When I ask Him, I can give Him thanks, because He empowers me to see past my current problem to all that He is doing on my behalf right now in the middle of the mess. I can be thankful for Him always, for He bestowed worth on me and loves me through thick and thin. He will never abandon or reject me, and He doesn’t measure my worth by my performance. I can give thanks because of what He is giving me now, even if it’s not what I ultimately want. I can give thanks because of the ways He is fulfilling His promises to me, even if it’s not in the way I would have planned or requested. When I focus on Jesus’ Life within, there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. 

I don’t want to let anything steal my joy, my prayer, or my thanks. In Christ, I have joy, I have constant access to talk to God, and I have reason to be thankful. He empowers me to be in this place because He is steadfast and faithful. I simply need to ask, and refocus on what He brings.

There Is Strength In Rest

Rest is almost a foreign concept in our culture these days. We are so busy, and fill our lives constantly with productivity, hoping that the busyness will make us feel strong, superior or like we are at least doing life in a way that makes others think we have some value. I think sometimes we are trying to prove ourselves worthy of our own lives. We run at such a pace that we don’t have to stop and think, fostering true relationship or accepting the peace that rest brings.

Rest has almost become equated with laziness. I think often of how in Luke 10, Jesus spoke to Martha when Mary was sitting at His feet, and I wonder how anything practical was supposed to get done with people just sitting around! I would have had the same exasperation as Martha, and have had it in moments of stressful preparation. Jesus wasn’t criticizing Martha’s practical bent, I think, but rather saying that work must come from a source of rest, intimacy and relationship.

Sometimes I believe I have a handle on all that I need to get done in a day, and I’m stressed immediately with anything I see as an interruption in this schedule I see as necessary to get so much accomplished. I think God might purposefully send me interruptions on these days in order to remind me that productivity is not its own source. I must have something that provides strength, wisdom and direction, or I’m just spinning my wheels to accomplish what I have put on my list.

I think somehow I imagine there is a trophy waiting for me when I meet my productivity goals. Or maybe it’s acceptance that I believe waits as my reward. If I do such and such, finish my list, do more than anyone thought possible, then maybe they will accept me. But I have made my target audience a bunch of crazy people (no offense!) and my assumption of how they feel about what I’ve done. This, of course, doesn’t end in anything that resembles acceptance. I get up again the next day and have to start over with my driven desperation of accomplishment, hoping the end goal will be different this time.

Rest doesn’t necessarily mean a nap, by the way. Sometimes it might, but rest to me is the quieting of my soul and spirit, and the pursuing of relationship with God in whatever way He has brought me today. It might be reading the Bible or a book. It might be singing a worship song. It might be walking outside and praying through so many hurting people. It might be sitting quietly with nothing going on, and just being with Jesus. I don’t want to drown out this time, though, by believing that I will accomplish more if I just skip it altogether and move on with my day. 

This isn’t a chore. The time spent with God is for relationship, not checking off a list. I definitely used to have a “quiet time” list that just brought me back to trying to accomplish again. Instead, relationship is built on time together without pressure or a measure of how the time went. It’s the simplicity of sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him and waiting for Him. It may be a few minutes while I’m waiting for something, or it may be a few hours. But there is no stipulation or grade for this time. 

When I love someone, I want to spend time, and rest is the result of this. I leave my time with God with a deep peace in my spirit, knowing that I am loved not because of what I’m going to do, but before I do one thing. As I go about my day, I am drawn back again and again to His feet, checking in about this and that. The interesting thing to me is that I often accomplish more on days that I have taken a little time for rest and relationship, but that isn’t the goal. 

I believe this rest actually becomes a place to find and reconnect with the strength that God is providing through His Life within me. We always imagine strength comes from doing—working out, trying harder, investing time and energy into this strength. But if the strength comes from my relationship with God, then I need to go back to time with Him in order to remember the source and access it. All we need to do is ask for strength, and He is faithful to provide what we need for the day. Rest allows us a chance to turn and remember, to enjoy and be enjoyed, and to go deeper in intimacy with the Lover of our souls. Rest becomes a place for strength to be renewed, the place to start for any endeavor ahead. 

I Am

In Christ, I am safe and protected.

In Christ, I am loved completely without pretense or meeting a standard.

In Christ, I have worth bestowed on me through sacrifice.

In Christ, I am a new creation.

In Christ, I am not controlled by sin or evil.

In Christ, I have power to live the impossible Christian life.

In Christ, I am complete and whole, lacking in nothing.

In Christ, I have all my needs met, physical, emotional and spiritual.

In Christ, I find the intimacy my heart has been craving.

In Christ, no person can change my value or worth.

In Christ, I am accepted.

In Christ, I have nothing to fear for He is with me through everything.

In Christ, I am never alone, and have His constant faithful presence.

In Christ, I have the strength to get through the circumstance.

In Christ, I have peace that makes no sense given the situation.

In Christ, I am seen and heard.

In Christ, I am treasured and cared for.

In Christ, my desire is for God, and life is knowing Him.

In Christ, the past loses its power and no longer defines me.

In Christ, I can be the most loving person in the room.

In Christ, I can encourage and have compassion beyond my natural ability.

In Christ, I don’t need people but can enjoy relationship with them.

In Christ, I can leave the future in God’s hands as I live in the present with Him.

In Christ, I lack nothing I need for Life.

Breath and Rest

You don’t have to keep running.
You don’t have to keep fighting.
You don’t have to keep searching for the “cure.”
You don’t have to keep trying.

I know you are tired,
And ache for something more.
I know you just want to sit down,
Letting the weight you’re carrying fall.

The idea that you will get a place
Where it makes sense to rest
Is a fallacy and will continue to drive you
Crazy and exhausted and weary.

You are in that place NOW.
You are already complete.
You are already enough.
You are already at your destination.

How?

Because Jesus gave you that place,
The place of completeness,
Of enoughness,
Because He is all you need and you can rest.

So instead of continuing to push forward,
Instead of trying to make it work,
Instead of stretching to figure it out,
Why don’t you put it down?

I think when you do,
You’ll discover that this was the place
You were looking for all along.
You are already there!

You carry a safe place with you
Wherever you go.
You are the dwelling place
Of the Father, Son and Spirit.

You can quit trying to find it,
Settling into the home
That He has already invited you into
By bringing it within you.

There is no destination that makes
The driving pressure stop.
No amount of money, or power,
No amount you weigh, or number of friends.

Let the pressure drop to your feet,
And enjoy the journey!
See yourself as already loved
Because God has loved us all along.

Your striving doesn’t make you more loved.
Your money doesn’t make you more enough.
Your status doesn’t make you more delighted in.
Your appearance doesn’t make you more acceptable.

Just rest. Just relax.
Breathe deeply in the acceptance and love
Of the One who carries you and is enough
For every part of your life that feels too big.

Don’t work to be big enough for it,
But settle into the One who is already capable.
Meet Him in your busyness, in your overwhelm,
And see Him bring peace to the very mess you are in.

Simplicity and Humility - Prayers Of My Heart

So many things over the last few months have felt complicated, stressful and downright scary. I find some humor in the fact that the answers God keeps giving me about each of these situations is very similar—keep it simple. I’m grateful He doesn’t add the “stupid” as some do, but He does remind me repeatedly that trying to figure out a way through these things on my own is only going to bring more headaches. 

I don’t generally even pray for a word of the year as some do, but there is always a theme that starts to rise above the rest towards the end of one year into the beginning of the next. I welcome it now, as I realize God is giving me some insight into what He is growing in me. I love that this isn’t a task I’m supposed to complete or a lesson I’m supposed to learn well and check off. Instead, it is what His Life in me is going to achieve and guide me in to as we walk together.

Simplicity, I have noticed, is related to humility. If I feel I must know the way ahead and I can handle it on my own, I end up making things more complicated every time. Humility means that I recognize my lack of ability, and then faith allows me to rely completely on God’s ability within me. Corrie ten Boom said, “It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.”

In Micah 6, Micah is talking about what God wants from us, and how it’s not loads of sacrifice. Instead, he keeps it very simple. Walk justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly before your God.

As I prayed through this verse, I was reminded of how Christ’s life within makes all of this possible. All that God asks of us He actually makes possible and empowers us to do. How crazy is that?

I only know how to walk justly or do what is fair and just to my neighbor when I am walking with God, as He is the one who determines justice. He calls us to live with integrity, which is possible because He has given us new Life in Him. Normal life for us when abiding in Him is to walk with integrity, or uprightly.

I am able to love mercy as it has been shown to me, and I want to be compassionate and loyal as Christ gives me His eyes for the people around me. This isn’t, by the way, because they are all deserving of this compassion. I have never deserved the mercy that Jesus has given me, so why would I wait until others deserve it? Instead, He has given me worth and a whole new identity, so I’m able to let that mercy flow through me to those around me.

I walk humbly before God, not taking myself too seriously and surrendering to the One who is able as I see what I lack. But I don’t stop there. I see my inability and weakness, and step into the strength Jesus brings through me, walking with God-confidence to approach any situation in humility.

So simple. Keep it simple. With every situation, bring it to Jesus, waiting to see how He will be enough in it. I can step into His ability, not allowing my inability to govern me with fear and trepidation. He is already making a way because He is the Way. I just get to walk with Him as He unfolds it before me. 

Crying Out

I cry out for relief.
I cry out in weariness.
I want change and different.
I want the pain to stop.
I want the wounds to heal,
The evil done to so many to be dealt with in justice.
I want the children to be delivered from the horror.
I don’t want anyone to suffer in the pain of this world.
I want those to be punished who do evil in Your name.
I don’t minimize any of this mess.

But I look to You.
I pour my heart out to the Compassionate One.
I ask for Your strength to keep pushing into the pain.
I ask for breakthrough with the revelation of Your love.
I see you are faithful to keep rescuing.
You continue to pursue with love not based on behavior.
I can be angry with you, and you take it.
You keep bringing hope, and redemption.
You keep buying us back from the pain,
Whether we caused it or it was done to us.
Not one evil done by us or to us
Can negate the new Life He has given us.
I need to say that again.
Nothing can steal us from this love.
Nothing.

I Am Enough

I think so often in my life I have felt that if I could just do enough, or do it “right” then God would love me and I’d have worth and meaning. The problem is that He’s always loved me and I’ve always had worth and meaning. God initiates relationship with me, maintains it and completes it. My part in relationship has always been yielding and accepting. 

So, practically, this looks like recognizing I’m getting overwhelmed because I’m afraid I won’t be able to get everything done on my list, which boils down to feeling like I’m a failure. When I become aware of my overwhelm, I ask why, and realize the focus of my life has become performance again. I have learned to stop right there in my tracks, take a deep breath and thank God that He already loves me, that He is enough for whatever is ahead, and to ask Him what He wants to do rather than obsessing on my list. There is instant peace, and a freedom to soak in His love the whole way through rather than hoping I can earn it.

Living as one who is loved already is a far cry from living trying to earn love. Jesus says I already have worth—He has bestowed worth on me. He says I am already loved, and not just when I get it “right” or don’t mess up at all. He says He doesn’t see sin when He looks at me, even if I’ve messed up a lot. All of that sin was dealt with on the cross, and He only sees me as a new creation, redeemed and covered in His love. He says that my meaning isn’t in performance or looking like a super-Christian, but rather my meaning is in relationship with Him as performance and image has never yet determined who a person really is. Only He can tell me who I am, and He does, over and over again all day. 

Each moment I stop and refocus on Him being right there with me, holding my hand and wanting relationship more than performance or doing, I feel relief like a huge breath of air that washes through me and renews my joy. We are always looking to find happiness in externals, when true happiness is always found in Jesus with me. Jesus is called Emmanuel (God with us) for a reason—He has never stopped being that. I have the whole Trinity, Father, Son and Spirit, desiring to have relationship with me. They are already present and willing—I must turn and accept, yielding my control, my performance and my image to receive the sweetness of freedom.

Yielding to me means putting down whatever I am trying to use to create identity for myself, receiving instead what God says to me and about me. He speaks love, freedom, joy, peace, hope, and encouragement. When I realize today is too big for me, for whatever reason, I can invite Him into my mess and He will always come. He will provide for every need, even that of not having enough love for my spouse, not having enough patience for my kids, not having enough hope for my loneliness. He is enough for all of it. Just ask. And keep asking, yielding to His love and His power to accomplish all you need done.

Rewrite Your Happy Ending

I love happy endings. I really can’t stand it when I watch a movie or read a book, and the ending just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. In fact, I actually rewrote several book endings when I was a kid because I didn’t like the original version. (Because, you know, they’re only timeless classics celebrated for their incredible stories but I thought I could do better!) Even with my love for happy endings, though, I realize how often God is at work in the middle—the times when we are still waiting, or hoping, or praying for something to happen that has shown no sign of happening yet.

I tend towards reading the stories of when the mission is accomplished, or the challenge is beaten. So often, though, it is those in the middle who can bring hope to others also in the waiting.Not everyone has the story tied up in a neat little bow yet. Some of us still struggle through how it will end. And I am slowly coming to terms with God’s love for the meantime. He is all about the journey, and not just the destination. I want the happy ending, and God speaks to knowing Him in the midst of hard things. He talks of standing firm, of not giving up, of wanting but not receiving yet.

I have my own story which is not yet finished. It isn’t an easy road. I want to stand in comparison, to somehow save through my own immaculate witness, or to will people into knowing Jesus. But instead, my Father takes my hand and reminds me that comparison is a poisonous infection, that He is the Savior and not me, and that no one gets to choose for another person.

Instead, I get to know Jesus in the middle. I have the incredible privilege of going deeper in relationship with Him while seeing the future as uncertain. I have to trust Him, even when it’s the last thing I want to do.But really, don’t we all? Perhaps in my situation the uncertainty is just more obvious. We all get to trust Him with our spouses, our children, our jobs, our families. We think we have this control over things which is simply an illusion.

The middle times are not all rosy. There are days which feel suffocating in the discouragement. There are nights when I lay awake begging God bring answers. I wonder how long the waiting will last, and if I can do another day of it.

Thankfully, I don’t have to be enough on my own. I have a God who is the strength of my life, who is my hope and salvation, and who is the encourager to the end. When I still don’t have the answer I want and I’m stuck in the middle, Jesus meets me there and walks with me. He doesn’t abandon me until the goal is reached. I get to know Him in the waiting. And He provides enough for today.

I still love the stories of the happy endings, the redemptions, the recoveries and the prodigals returned. But I also am learning to love the stories of those who are persevering when they don’t yet have their desired outcome. I am one of those in the waiting, as are many of you. Together, we get to know Jesus as we come back to Him again and again for what we need to walk the road ahead today. And that, my sisters and brothers, makes the dark days spent in the middle worthwhile.