From A Caterpillar To A Beautiful Butterfly

Have you ever really looked at a butterfly? The intricate colors and shapes of their wings? Last summer I was sitting by the shore of Lake Superior when a butterfly climbed onto my hand. I watched as he meandered along my skin, appearing to not have a care in the world. I marveled at his beauty and I began to ponder what it means to be beautiful.
As I sat entranced and deep in thought, I noticed this beautiful butterfly had an injured wing and could not fly. His imperfection, while noticeable to me, didn’t seem to bother him in the least. He didn’t care he was imperfect in his appearance. He was living in the moment in a splendid and peaceful place. I marveled at his faith and trust in me to accept him just as he was and it brought tears to my eyes.
In society’s eyes, being beautiful often seems to be associated with being thin, having flawless skin, impeccable makeup, georgious hair, and a winning smile with bright white teeth. In society’s eyes, I am not beautiful. I struggle with my weight, my skin is flawed, my makeup is basic, my hair is totally grey, and I am self conscience about my smile due to dental prosthetics I wear. I am like that butterfly on the outside, visibly imperfect. Then I thought, why should I let it bother me? Why can’t I be like the butterfly?
Every day we are bombarded with things that tell us we don’t measure up. It’s created a stigma that makes us feel less than what we are. I have an amazing husband and I want to see myself through his eyes when he tells me I am beautiful! I want to be like that trusting butterfly, that never once doubted my intentions, to admire and cherish those moments we shared together.
As I dove deeper into my thoughts, he tickled my hand and I giggled. I brought him up to my eye level and we stared into each other’s eyes. I realized in those brief, few moments, that I AM beautiful, not because of all the things I thought made someone beautiful, but because a persons true beauty isn’t on the outside, it exists on the inside. It’s the love we carry for all of those we meet along the way! It’s in the hug we give a weary person, just to lift their spirits. Its the encouragement and support we show to those who need it. It’s in the love a husband has for his wife because he see’s her true heart and the giving soul that exist inside her.
For the first time, I could finally see myself through Tim’s eyes and I smiled.  This tiny butterfly with the injured wing, taught me that day, what it truly means to be beautiful! He began as a small, not so cute caterpillar, but with time he blossomed into a beautiful butterfly.

Dreams can come true

For so much of my life I have been afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. Afraid that in the end, I would have nothing to show for my time here on earth except a grave marker with a name. You see, for 45 years of my life I lived in comparison to so many other people that were smart, athletic, popular, or pretty.  I had siblings who were Valdictorian or Salutatorian, and the stress of trying to measure up was unbearable for me. I worked hard for the grades I got, I was average in sports, and the part about being popular or pretty wasn’t a part of my life.
In my 20’s through my early 40’s I became really separated from people. I was afraid to let anyone become a close friend to me, because if they did, they would see someone who was broken and very flawed. I felt as if any dream I had, would never happen because of that fear of failure and being a nobody. It held me back.
A dream I wanted to pursue was writing a blog. My desire was not fueled by the need to be famous, or to make money. My desire was more personal than that. I just wanted a venue to write what I felt and what I thought, and maybe, just maybe they would be words that would help someone else along the way.  Once again that fear crept in. What could I possibly have to say that would mean anything to anyone? Why would I think the things I feel or ponder could make a difference? Fear once again bested me in the inner battle of my heart and brain and it won.
Fast forward to today. I have grown so much in the past 11 years of my life. I’ve found ways to hold those fears at bay. It doesn’t mean they don’t creep back from time to time, but I am learning how to cope with them when they do.
Walt Disney once said “if you can dream it, you can do it!” This is my first step towards those dreams!
The second step within this dream was to name my blog. With deep thought I finally settled on Flawless By His Grace, not to seem like a religious fanatic or head bashing bible toter. Simply it was based on my favorite band, MercyMe’s song Flawless. The first time I heard that song, I had to pull over because I was crying so hard. I was dealing with some inner demons and once again was listening too closely to the voice in my head that said I was a mistake and a screw up in this world. When the chorus blasted from my radio: “ No matter the bumps, no matter the bruises, no matter the scars, still the truth is the cross has made you flawless. No matter the hurt or how deep the wound is, no matter the pain, still the truth is the cross has made you flawless. No matter what they say or what you think you are, the day you called His name he made you FLAWLESS”! Did I just hear that right? HE MADE ME FLAWLESS! I felt like they were playing that song just for me. So naming my blog came easy because even though I don’t think I am the things I wanted to be, I am flawless in Heavens eyes!
To explain a bit more, my blog will cover a wide array of random thoughts, goofy ideas, poetry I write, and sometimes those difficult memories and scars that are ever present, but not always visible and how I move through them. Most of all, this blog will be a therapeutic way for me to write, something I love doing.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me in this journey, this dream come true! I am so glad you did.